Weight

Where to begin. I have all these thoughts going around and around in my head.

On Sunday 22 June 2008 after the worship part of the service I really felt God speak to me, it is hard to explain but just before our Pastor Adam Grant spoke I felt the Lord say 2 things one was to listen to the word he gave Adam and the other thing he told me was the reason why I have had trouble loosing weight is because I have never asked him to help. It came out of no where I was not even thinking of my battle with the flab. I told my husband and he looked at me and said well ask him. Boy do I feel silly how I overlooked something so simple.

When I thought about what God said I realised how true it was I ask him for help in other areas but not with this area. To give you some background I have been battling with this for years now and have tried every diet and pill. The only time I was thinnish was when I was working out 3 hours a day and ate about 6gms of fat total. My diet was this Breakfast 1/2 grapefruit lunch 2 lettus leaves and 1/4 tomato and 1/4 tin of re fried beans 99% fat free, Dinner 1/6 grilled Chicken breast on 2 lettus leaves then heaps of vitamin pills and a weight loss pill. Even while doing this I still could not reach the weight my instructor told me I was suppose to be I never to to that magic 54kgs I was aiming for. I was borderline eating disorder and would throw up anything that was fattening or what I considered bad food. I battled with this for 2 years, it was mainly because I hated myself so much and it was a way of punishing myself for being fat and such a failure. Then along came this guy (who later became my husband) and taught me that I was ok just the way I was.

Since I have had the children I have not lost the baby weight and have tried so many things but nothing works. I remember going to weight watchers with a friend and she was loosing weight every week and was not even following the diet properly. I was doing it by the book measuring and weighing all food eating exactly what they told me and nothing happened after 6 months of this I gave up. The ladies at Weight Watches said I must be cheating and doing something wrong etc... I have tried so many other things but they don't work so I figured if I do nothing I don't put on weight if I diet I don't loose weight so I may as well give in. I also have to be careful as I can get a tad bit carried away when dieting and start recording everything I put in my mouth. I could easily go into bad eating habits again as I have never had trouble with feeling hungry I can go all day and not eat an it does not bother me. All the dieting I have been doing was in my own strength and own knowledge and it has not worked.

I really felt God say that I have to hand it over to him, it is an area I have held onto and hid behind. No one really wants to know the fat girl so I can hide what is inside and put on a happy face and everyone thinks all is ok. I know that this is going to be a hard battle and that I will have to deal with things in my heart that I have been hiding and putting in little boxes. This last few months has brought me to the place where I can hand this issue over to God and now let him help. I pray that through this I can help others and by sharing this it will enable others to be set free.

I understand that I will have to work hard, I know I won't wake up in the morning and be thin (gee that would be nice). I am not expecting to loose lots fast I would be happy to loose 1kg a month as this in itself would be a breakthrough and a miracle for me. But by giving it to God I can now deal with issues and see God glorified in this.

I am also sharing this so I am accountable, usually when I diet I don't tell anyone there is nothing worse than a well meaning friend say gee you have lost weight when they know you are dieting but you have not lost any and it is hard to tell them that you have not lost any, then the feelings of failure take over etc..... But I need to be accountable to God and act upon what he has told me. I will probable go thought this post later and re-read it and make it a bit more organised. I am not going to post weights and photos at this stage, maybe a bit down the track.

Father God I hand this area over to you and ask that you guide me and lead me to the areas that I need to deal with, I give this to you and all the areas I have be holding onto and hiding behind. I make myself available to you to use me that you may be glorified.