2009

It is a start of a new year and I am feeling excitement and looking forward to see what God has install. I usually don't set new year resolutions, this year there are a few things I want to concentrate and work on.

1. My relationship with the Lord, I yearn to get closer to him.

2. Study the word more and start to memorise scriptures and passages.

3. Pray, I am feeling such a call to prayer again.

4. My weight, this journey I have started on again but this time I have invited a friend. I am going on the journey with God by my side, not by myself as I have done in the past.

5. Joshua 24v15

Hurting Children. part 3

This past year I have been so blessed by getting to know so many wonderful children and parents and love how our house is often full of children, some days overflowing lol.

I am more and more aware that everything is a process. God softens our heart, then brings us to a place where we ask the Lord to use us or let us see and then he shows us a situation that has been right under our noses:)

This has just happened to me. Just over a week ago I posted how there are hurting kids in our Church's . In that post I prayed

Father help me to see our Hurting kids
and give me the strength to do something
and to make a difference. Help me to overcome
the fear of man.
Keep me real so I don't miss the signs and my
heart soft so I don't turn a blind eye.

Well the Lord has answered my prayer. (I did not think it would be answered so fast). The Lord spoke to me and showed me that he has given me the gift of relationship with some children and asked me what am I going to do with this gift. I was so challenged and repented for just going on with the flow and not seeing what was really going on. My teacher training was telling me something did not add up but everything from the outside seemed OK. God has since opened my eyes.

Looking back over the last few weeks I can see how all the puzzle pieces have been put into place to bring me to this point where I could give myself over to God ask him to use me in the area of hurting kids and then God show me what he wants me to do. The Lord has also been challenging me on how far I am prepared to go for him. Am I even willing to lay my life down for children that are not my own. He has also shown me that the best way I can love and minister to some mothers is by loving and giving attention to their children. Making sure my motives and all that I do is out of God's love. By letting God's love flow throw me. Without his love it would be impossible to lay my life down daily.

Without him this task would seem so overwhelming and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but because God is involved I know he has it all worked out and I just have to listen obey and be open.

John 13

34 A new commandment I give unto you,

That ye love one another;

as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,

if ye have love one to another.

More on some of our Christian Kids are hurting

Further to the post I just wrote I had the idea that I would give a brief view of how I felt when I was a teenager. Sometimes hearing how people feel opens out eyes.

After that week I felt let down by everyone, I felt that I had no value because no once seemed to care. I put up lots of walls and kept on going as long as I was seen as having it all together everything seemed to be ok. I was involved in a lot of leadership over the years but had all this hurt in my heart. I suppose I stated to do "works" to find my value.

I felt judged and that my mums breakdown was my fault, not one told me different so I carried this until I was 19.

Because I felt so bad about myself I started to hate myself I use to cover my mirror up with photos so I could not see myself, I tried so hard to fit in but because I felt so unworthy I felt clumsy and useless.

My school work suffered because I was afraid of failing and I knew I could pass without studding, if I studied and failed that would have destroyed me so I did not study much at all. (pretty silly hey if I knew I could pass without failing, then it would makes sence that studding could help me more) but when you are in that place you do things that are not logical.

Because I thought the people in Church did not care I did not know how to take complements or anything positive said about me I did not know what to do and thought they were just being nice.

I had lots of non Christian friends but found it hard to build relationships with Christians.

Now this is how I reacted different people react in different ways some rebel and some hide like I did. That is why it can be so hard sometimes to know if people are hurting when they are hiders. It does not matter who they are wether the come from a single parent family, a family where the parents are leaders, pastors kids, teachers kids, doctors kids. The fact is life happens and God can use it for good or the enemy can use it.

I don't want anyone else to feel how I did and for as long as I did. I don't know what the answer is other than to look out around you and pray and get help for our young people. To be real and not be afraid to put our arms around someone and say are you ok. If they are ok that's great at least they know they matter.

I can share this now because I know my value is in the Lord because he made me, I can use this experience for him. I have come a long way since those days and have worked through much of this. I just want people to be aware that Christian Kids can be hurting just as much as the next kid and we also need to look around our Church community as well as the whole community.

I am in a Church now that is loving and accepting and reaches out to its young but there maybe some that fall through through cracksI realise I need to be part of the solution for our young people.

Back again:) Did you miss me?

It has been a while since I last posted anything. Life has been busy and we have had sickness and I have been spending time with the Lord and thinking about where I am at and where I should be and where I should be going.

I feel I am at cross roads not sure if I am being effective for the Lord, I am questioning what I am doing. After investing a lot of time into something only to now see it now change a lot and things I was working towards implementing are now being thrown out. Don't get me wrong there have been a lot of good changes but it has now changed so much that the avenue to support them and equip mums has closed.

Another door has opened and I need to spend some time to pray and be lead by the Lord, get focus and a plan in place to make this effective and meaningful. I don't want it to turn into another bless me club, my passion is to see mums set free from the worlds and churches view of what mothers should be and learn what the bible really said on motherhood. Seeing mums set free to be mums is my passion, I am tired of trying to be a supermum and do everything I am told I need to do to be a good mum. It breaks my heart when young mums tell me they aren't coping that they can't do everything and are so overwhelmed by the pressure they feel to do everything. We get so tied up doing that we miss out on so much and I myself fall into this trap so often. So that is where I have been for the last few weeks. I plan to keep blogging and will be adding some posts I have been working on soon.

I have also been thinking of why I blog. It is easy to blog and share things with people who do not know you. I have been thinking am I as open and share my heart to people face to face. Well the answer is not really. Building relationships with people who you see and who know you is not easy, it is much easier to be open and honest with people you don't know all that well. This is another reason why I have not blogged for a few weeks. Something I will be thinking some more on. The whole though of putting my trust in the Lord and having him as my true and first confidant.

A verse I have been reflecting on.

O Lord you have searched me and you know me

You know when I sit and when I rise

you perceive my thoughts from afar

You discern my going out and my laying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast

Psalm 139:1-12

Yep God sure does speak through emails

I opened another email this morning and the word was perfect for today. I am having a meeting to work out some internal issues with a group. I won't go into details but I am praying that all will be resolved and relationships restored, and through this we can see God's hand at work. Anyway here is the email, I think it is just a good reminder not to do things in our own strength but give it all to God and let him work. He knows what the answers are and what is needed.

Are You Horizontal or Vertical?

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2,

by Os Hillman06-16-2008

"Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight" (Isaiah 5:21).
Many of us have been trained to make decisions and respond to problems in a horizontal way instead of vertical. Operating from a horizontal basis means we try to fix the problem through our own self-efforts by bringing greater pressure upon it through our reasoning or our natural skills. Operating from a vertical position means we are seeking God for the answer and waiting for him to impact the problem. Perhaps it is a spouse who fails to put their clothes away, or a boss who is overly critical, or an employee that you clash with. When we operate horizontally we attempt to shame or coerce the other to change their ways.
God knows the solution to the problem before it ever exists. Our responsibility is to ask God for help to solve the problem and to rely on Him for the outcome. The minute we take on the responsibility, God quietly stands by to let us experience failure until we decide to seek Him for the answer.
One of the best examples of the contrast between a vertical and horizontal dimension in scripture is that of King Saul and David (see 1 Samuel 25). King Saul thought the way to preserve his kingdom was to kill David. While in pursuit of him there were several occasions when David had the opportunity to kill Saul, but David chose to wait upon God's timing and await his own deliverance because he understood authority. David had such respect for those who had been put in authority by God over him that he would not take matters into his own hands.
Saul represents the exact opposite of this principle. He thought David was the problem and sought to get rid of him through force. As a result, he lost his kingdom because he chose to rule horizontally instead of vertically under God's rule in his life.
No matter what problem you face today, stay vertical with God.

Two days in a row God has used these emails and lead me to read them as I usually only check the email account they go to a couple of times a week and don't always get to reading these emails. Maybe I need to read them daily. :)

God challanges through emails

Today I read an email I had been sent don't know why I clicked on it. I usually just save them for when I have time to read them.

Here is the message

Today's Prayer

Resurrected Faith

Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman06-15-2008
"Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son" (Gen 22:10).
There are times in our lives when God brings a test to see if we are ready to put to death the very thing that God promised we would have. Such was the case in the life of Abraham with Isaac. Isaac was the promised son. Yet, God said to raise the knife to sacrifice him in obedience God.
When God brings such a test into our lives we usually have a choice. Neither choice is attractive. One choice will often salvage some aspect of the vision. The other choice will totally kill the vision from our perspective. However, that is the faith decision. That is the only decision from God's perspective.
If we choose the faith decision that kills the vision - we will witness the resurrection of the vision supernaturally by God. Our own faith will be launched into a whole new dimension. He will raise us up in order to speak through our lives in that experience. God often brings that person into a very public ministry.
However, if we choose the lesser decision, we will reside in a lesser walk with God. God will accept the decision but there will be consequences to our faith journey. He cannot trust us with a bigger vision because He sees our obedience is moveable based on our perceived consequences.
If we choose the lesser decision then God will often orchestrate other events in our lives that are designed to develop our faith to a level that will allow us to make the right decision the next time.
Do you have resurrection faith that will trust God to raise your situation from the dead?

Well what a word, at the moment I am going through this seeing if the vision I carry fits into where I am at the moment am I effective where I am, am I where God wants me. At the moment I feel like I am being tested again regarding the area I am invloved in within the church.

I pray that I make the right decision and that his will, will be done and fulfilled.

God is amazing

Earlier I posted about a situation where a close friend had been hurt and had cut me out of her life. It was a hard time as I don't like to not be liked. Everyday I had to choose to love her and not hold any grudges it was so hard some days. But I did in faith and prayed for her, never talked to any of the other ladies in the group about what she had done. Never said a bad word against her. Would not allow "justified hurts" as Nancy Missler puts it to take hold of me. (Nancy wrote the study "The way of Agape" which I am doing at the moment with a group of ladies)

Anyway after a few months she came back to playgroup and was so hurt. I kept praying for her and really felt God telling me to email her and welcome her back. I rang one of the pastors wives who also is my friend and ran it by her. So I emailed her and welcomed her back and told her how I loved her and how my heart broke thinking of her etc.... Well after 3 weeks of hearing nothing she came to playgroup said sorry hugged me and was so changed. God's timing is so different to ours. I think it is amazing that as I am doing this study I am also going through what the study is about. Maybe God is trying to teach me something lol:)

It will take a long time to build our relationship back, but we have reconciled so now God can work. I have also learnt a valuable lesson about not confusing the people who you minister to as your only confidants, I will now make sure I have relationships outside my ministry circle if that makes sense.

Now onto the Way of Agape if you have not done this study you, it is one worth doing. I am up to chapter 6 and it is great. Nancy teaches us about God's love and has such insights into it. I am seeing how shallow I am and what I thought I was doing out of Gods love I was doing out of human love. Hummm imagine how affective it would be out of God's love.

Lazy bum in my head

Yesterday I took a day off from the world, did not book anything in, did not go to the bible study I usually go to, did not ring anybody and I did not answer the phone (well no one rang which is really strange) maybe God knew I would not have the strength not to answer the phone and intervened. lol

After the last few challenging weeks it was so nice to take a day out. I went to spotlight with my youngest 2. We got some Easter things to make for Easter, then we went to the park for morning tea. As it turned out 2 ladies for playgroup were there so I did have some social chat with them. I did not do any house work, (and the world kept turning) which is really hard for me and the house was a mess. God has been challenging me to slow down a bit and listen to him and stop doing all the time. Funny thing is that is what the speaker spoke about on Thursday ladies night as well as raising children. I really struggle with being lazy my father use to say it to me a lot when I was a child and he never stopped working or doing things for the Church when I was a kid. I don't think he fully understands how it has impacted me. When he came to visit over Christmas he told me to slow down and not make his mistakes. He has overdone it and now has to rest. But how do you undo 30ish years of this??????? But I was not quite ready to hear that then.

Whenever I sit down I feel like I am lazy, I usually am doing something else if I am watch TV or talking on the phone. It drives my husband nuts that I can't sit still. I do really try but have a battle going on in my head the whole time. I do confess that I am alot better than I use to be, maybe some of my husbands laid back nature has rubbed off on me. Mess and clutter does not bother him, if I let it build up I get a little stressed.

A few weeks ago I finally worked out why I don't eat breakfast and lunch it is all tied up with this whole lazy issue. I feel that I am lazy if I set down to eat and I don't deserve to. It is funny I council mums all the time to take time out and smell the roses, eat properly etc... and yet I don't live my own words. That really has hit home lately. Our minds can be such strongholds, but through the grace of God we can overcome. The sad thing is we miss out on so many good things if we don't deal with these things.

I will keep posting about how the Lord walks me through this.

Introduction

I have decided to start a new blog a new start. I am really excited about doing this and am looking forward to making friends as I learn and grow. To get the ball rolling I am going to be doing a bible study by The preachers wife : 'I AM - So You Don't Have To Be' A Blog Bible Study.

The past few weeks have been both, hard and a time of spiritual stirring and a hunger to get to know God better in a new and deeper way, so here I am at the beginning of a new journey.

I have been tested and realised that I have a lot of head knowledge of the things of God (being a 3rd generation PK) and that I have to discover some of it for myself. I have also been reminded that we can do nothing in our own strength and we need to hand everything over, it is by his grace.